Determined to go out in a blaze of glory, the Dartmouth Business Improvement District has solved the bird problem, the parking problem and waste problem all in one go.
In measures to be announced at the forthcoming extraordinary general meeting, it will be proposed first that rubbish must be collected fortnightly, thereby reducing bin lorry blockages around town.
Next the BID will identify and purchase suitable land on all Dartmouth approach roads where the town’s rubbish can be dumped. The seagulls will quickly latch on to these new ready-made takeaways and will not bother the town again.
Parking? No problem: the smell emanating from the tips will put off even the most ardent Dartmouth fan, leaving the townsfolk to park where they may. As a special token, the BID will give all residents appropriate protective masks.
There you are, back to the town we have all grown to love courtesy of the BID.